wasabi

Last night they loved you, opening doors and pulling some strings, angel
Come get up my baby
In walked luck and you looked in time
Never look back, walk tall, act fine
Come get up my baby

Sometimes late at night I watch TV. After Star Trek there used to be a hard core Christian news program. I listen to that stuff every once and a while. I listened to Christian "news" radio while driving from Seattle to San Francisco, and Boulder to Gunbarrel Imports. Anyway, while looking for new order I found this. Same people who do that show after Star Trek. Very strange.

Me putting this up is the final proof that I have lost it. No porn by any stretch of the imagination this time. How odd. Must be remedied. Perhaps I will worry about that when it is not 6:12 am. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I ought to be drunk. Sober and alone at this hour is not a good idea. Such is the way of the Tao?

@SONG: Blue Monday

How does it feel to treat me like you do?
When you've your hands upon me
And told me who you are
I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me, how do I feel
Tell me now, How do I feel

Those who came before me
Lived through their vocations
From the past until completion
They'll turn away no more
And I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me
Just how I should feel today

I see a ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasn't for your misfortune
I'd be a heavenly person today
And I thought I was mistaken
And I thought I heard you speak
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now, how should I feel

Now I stand here waiting...

I thought I told you to leave me
While I walked down to the beach
Tell me how does it feel
When your heart grows cold

New Order - Blue Monday

Orgy - Blue Monday

Every time I see blue I get a bit sad. In the first few minutes of the film everyone dies. It's not like things get much better either. What I get from blue is that Julie gives up, left with nothing, she resigns to sex. Not too bad a thing to resign to, but to lose two people you love to something as stupid as a car. It is all a mess.

Watching these movies brings me back to my contemplation of greatness, delusions of grandeur. The people in these movies, the people in stories of interest have stories. I have stories, but everyone knows my stories, at least the ones anyone is going to find out about.

So, I am left wandering without a purpose. Sexual confusion, my rapidly aging friends, the onset of having to deal with money, the possibility of having a career, and that glimmer of hope of having my own apartment, my own things, my own space, in a new city. The dream of meeting new people, something unfulfilled at the university.

Sex seems the most stupid of all. I think I need, that is want, it and simultaneously know that I don't. I know I don't even want it, unless its different. Unless its in a relationship more interesting that sex and conversations. Something with activity, shared goals, a woman who desires to be something more than what we are.

"All kinds of stimulating and heating substances; high-seasoned food; rich dishes; the free use of flesh; and even the excess of aliment; all, more or less -- and some to a very great degree -- increase the concupiscent excitability and sensibility of the genital organs..." -- Sylvester Graham

"A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision...The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind...In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement. " -- Dr. John Harvey Kellogg